Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
