I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
