Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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