Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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