shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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