If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
