I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
