Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize