8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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