you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
