If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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