he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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