He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
