Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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