sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
