I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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