??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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