I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
