i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
