we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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