I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
