I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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