When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
two words: eviction party
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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