I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
