I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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