I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
