in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
