I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Randomize
