I can text with my tongue
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
