remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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