You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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