the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Randomize
