hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
