Heybabeimwearingurpanties
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
