i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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