Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
