I can text with my tongue
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
