We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Couch. On fire.
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