I wish life had little blips of pornography
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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