Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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