it was like his penis was on wheels.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
