I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
