Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
