fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
