Sry I called you an 8
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
