nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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