i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
