did you get engaged???
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
