Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
