you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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