i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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