At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
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