Well douche your snatch and let's go!
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
