please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
