I skipped work to stalk him.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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