ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
