He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
