I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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