I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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