Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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