I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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