Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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