So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
