You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
