i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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