I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
