I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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