Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I love you. Go after that dick
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
