yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
