Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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