watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
