I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
