Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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