I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
