No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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