We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
