I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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