I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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