What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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