woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
