I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
