i think my tv is drunk
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
