seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
