And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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