dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
