Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Michael Bay diarrhea
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
