Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Green mimosas i think yes
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
