Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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