when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
