I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
