You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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